For Rachel

So i forgot to write anything yesterday. So I'm writing now. Doop dee doo. That's all i got.

Go on...

So i havent written in this thing for a while and i figured it was about time. I would like to say that this week has been amazing and full of fun filled times, but that would be a lie. Not alot has been going on at all. Last weekend i lost a lot of money gambling and im not too happy about that. But hey, it my own fault right. There isnt much i can do about it now. Two of my close friends have the same kind of problem as well. We all spend way too much money on the pokies. So we have decided that throughout September none of us will play any pokies. If one of us cracks and do play, they must buy the other two a 6 pack of beer. This can go one of two ways i think. First being that if they do gamble and win a fair bit, then two 6 packs is going to mean nothing to them and it wont fix this problem. Or option two, they go out and spend a whole bunch of money, lose it all,then in a final kick to the testicles have to fork out another $30 (give or take) on some beer that they can't drink. Either way im not going to play. Hopefully i save some cash by doing this as well.

Now what else has happened? Ohh the raiders won again. Pretty happy about that. Too bad they waited untill the arse end of the season to start playing well. Stupid dicks. Ohh well maybe next season they can string some wins together early.

As you know im playing in a mixed netball team right? well if you dont know i am. We suck. We have had like 8 games and lost everyone of them by at least 10 points. So, as you can understand, i pretty much hate the 'sport'. Last tuesday we had another game and i was not looking forward to it all. It was cold out, i was tired. Not interested. Anyway, we had a great game and actually won 12 - 14. It was great. I was one happy chap. To add to the win as well, some of the guys on the other team were dicks. So suck it bitches. You lost to the worst team in the league. YOOOOOOUUUUU SUUUCCCKKK!!! Ohh im a gracious winner. Haha. So now I will be happy to end my netball career on a high. Wont happen though as we have like 2 weeks left of this bullshit. Sigh.

Ohh last weekend Shane and I went to a recording studio with Luke to listen in on some of his bands recordings. His band is called Charlie Greaser and they are kinda like old school rockabilly stuff. Its pretty cool. Their new stuff is sounding really cool as well. We ended up doing some guest gang vocals on the CD for two of their songs. One was an original of theirs which is a mad song. The other was a cover of 'Chasing The Beat' by Someone. It was pretty good fun and laughs were had all round.

So as i said, not too much stuff has been going on. Pretty disappointing really. Ohh well lets hope that this weekend coming up is epic and i will have something awesome to report on. Until then though, your going to have to sit there touching your self for entertainment. Talk soon maggots.

Peace.

WOW!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-R5GQ0V-Z4

Check this shit out!

That's it!

Alright, i have had enough. Im bored out of my fucking mind and i have decided that i need some type of female in my life. Now, this is a pretty big role. First of all, you have to be pretty cool and want to hang out with me. Then you are going to have to be keen for a drink once in a while. Im also hoping that your a babe, cause, well, i would like to have some arm candy. Thats right i said it. Next, you are going to have to put up with my bullshit. I know, i can be a dick and what not. But who cant! Hey im only human. A fucking awesome human at that but still human alright. Next on the agenda, you will have to be keen for sex. Again, yes i said it. Fuck you its my blog and if i want to put an ad in here for a woman that doesnt exist then i will! I would also like it if you were into cool things, like music and beer or something. I donno. Something that will be interesting for me to think about while i look at your tits.

It would also be cool if you challenged me, because i need that shit. I think most people do. Unless your like a cripple or retarded or something and you are happy with what you can get. You know the whole, beggars cant be choosers thing. Now i have been watching some love movies right ( fuck im gay ) and i have noticed that i will be making out with some babe in the rain and spinning around. All whilst a camera crew is circling me. Now im cool with this, because if its in the movies then it has to happen, right? Hell yes im right. Im always right. Ohh and you will have to listen to me talk shit. I do this most of the time and know it. Hey, dont judge me. You are also going to have to get along with my friends. I dont like most of my friends women. I cant help it, they pretty much all piss me off. But my friends arent like me (thank god) and they will give you more of a chance then i give their ladies. Ohh you have to have your licence. If you are 18+ and dont have your licence, you fucking suck man. Seriously what the fuck are you doing? Get off your mums tit and get that shit sorted. Its the greatest. You can go where ever you want, when ever you want. Why would you not hit that shit up?

If so far you are meeting the criteria then what up ;). If not then, well. Lame. But i'll go on. This lucky lady will have to be at least 18. If your younger and still hot, then hit me up when you are of age please. What else do i need for this perfect woman to be complete? Hmm...Ohh i know, i like to travel lots and party mighty hard! If you have a problem with this, then lady. This aint gonna work is it. Not a chance in hell. But if you are cool and my friends like you then you can come. Only if, IF you good. I have a pretty good rep going in Sydney and the last thing i need is you going and fucking it up.

I think that about raps that up. I was going to tell you about how good i am but i realised 'hey, no one reads this, plus this chick does not exist so fuck it. Im over typing and kinda want a beer.' So im going to leave this one here. Also i will attempt to write this shit more often, this week has been retarded so i havent had the chance. Nah thats a lie. i just cbf to tell you the truth.

Now if you are this mystery woman then comment me or something. Or if you know someone that would fit this list of amazing, then hit me up. Also if by writing this, something amazing happens then HOLY SHIT!

Im going to leave you with this note. How do birds know where south is? BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING IPHONE WITH A COMPASS, THAT'S HOW!

Gods speed bitches!

Professor Excellent

I made dinner the other night. It was pretty alright but i learned alot from the experiance.I learnt that 1: Meat shrinks like a dick in the cold. I was actually amazed at how much a piece of stake can shrink in the oven. 2: Although cooking can be fun, cleaned can rack off. 3: Dont leave shit unattended in the oven, ok, just dont. 4: I go alright in the kitchen,which is good because it automatically makes me like 3.2 times hottest to ladies. 5: Dont just make one dish unless it is going to feed everyone and has some variety to it.For example, i made a beef dish with some spinach, cheese and a tomato sauce. Now what i should of done is made some potatos or some rice or something. I didnt. Pretty fucking dumb.But hey i learnt from my mistake and now all you wildcats know as well. 6: Make something you like and tell everyone else to fuck off. This is a big one. Unless you are cooking for a lady and want to get laid. Then tell anyone who questions you to suck a big black cock.7: Dont cook above your weight. Lets face it, there is a good chance your gonna fuck it up.Stick to making sandwiches and pop tarts.

Now im not gonna lie, im not amazing in the kitchen. Yet. But god damn it im trying, and oneday im going to have my own show. Its going to be called 'El Cooking with Professor Excellent' and there is going to be strippers and boobs and stuff. Ohh and probly some cooking. Man being a tv host would be a pretty sweet gig. All you have to do is talk to people and pretend you give a shit. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. In exchange to being a bit of a douche on television they fly you places, you get into mad party and events. Plus women would love to blow someone from tv. No two ways about it. It would be MAD! It would suck to be a fishing host though. Fuck that. I wonder what kind of coin these crackers are on? hmmm. When i have my own show, i'll let you know.

I wonder what i will cook next, my guess is a potato bake. Potato bake is actually amazing.mmm.Alright well now im hungry as shit so im gonna go make some food.

Gods speed crackers

Wisdom can suck it!

What up butt heads? How have you all been? Good i hope. I have been pretty dodgy unfortunately My wisdom teeth have decided to come out and say hello. At first it was all good. The top ones came out fine. Cheering. But the bottom left one can suck a bad of used dicks! The mother fucker is SO FUCKED! It hurts like shit. It got to the point where i couldn't eat and the pain of it was interrupting my sleep. I couldnt sleep for 2 days. FUCKED! I was on edge.Shit i still am on edge, and kinda grumpy too. Not a good way to feel at all. So now i have a date with the dentist. I hate the dentist!They are the worst "doctors" out there in my opinion. But if this son of a bitch is gonna make it better then i dont have a choice. Anyway my appointment is today straight after work and needless to say i am shitting my self. I know if i get the teeth taken out that it will be better in the long run, but still. I dont really like the idea of some Indian dude pulling a tooth from my head. What if he fucks out and breaks something in my face? Or while im knocked out he touches me? Hmmm...fml.

Going to the dentist to tell you what you already know = $150
Finding out that its going to cost you an arm and a leg to take teeth out of your head = $1500
Hoping that every dentist would fuck off and die = PRICELESS!

Enough about my teeth. The other night it was my pal Shane's birthday and we all headed out to some steakhouse for a feed. I was pretty impressed with the food actually. Although it took a bit of time and they fucked up my brothers meal i enjoyed it. I had a chicken burger in a steak house. Whatever. Dont judge me. I do what i want. Not really. fuck you round eye!

Yesterday i was bored right so i went down to the club near my house and played some trivia right. Well there is a rule that you cant use your phone to message people and use the internet, which is fair enough. Well i figured that trivia is boring as fuck so i would play some games on my phone. And the bitch that was running the night had a go at me. What the fuck lady. Your telling me that i cant sit here and play sudoku? Bitch we are going shit and there is like 4 questions left and i cant play my phone. Fuck ou man! You dont own me! Im in a public place and i cant look like a dick playing his phone? Im sorry i thought this was Australia!Not fucking communist Russia. What a bitch. Needless to say, i was fuming. If she wasnt hot there would be blood on the floor. So in a disappointed tone i said 'gay' and walked to the pokies. which were paying out so alls well that ends well. Im looking forward to a big weekend this week. Well its more of a massive Saturday, filled with sports, beer and music.Its going to be mad. I will write up what happens if you want. And if i can be bothered.

I might leave you all with this thought (clears throat) If Christina Agulera wanted to fuck you, but she had the clap. Would you still do it? The answer will be in my next post. Also how about some of you pricks leave a comment or two? shhesh.

Rules: cooking, dos equis and large breasted women.
Suck: wisdom teeth, flat beer and lop sided tits

Hot Damn!

I have a liver of steel i tell you. I have been absolutely blind the last 3 night and i feel great. A little tired but still great. Ohh what a weekend! what a weekend indeed. I headed up to Sydney on thursday arvo and shit got reckless from there. As soon as my feet hit the ground, drinks were had. I started off by going to some 'alternative' club called hot damn. We arrived at about 8ish. The rest is kinda a blur. I know that i got kicked out at 11:30ish, just before the bands finished. Too loose man. Way too loose. I'd like to say thats its not going to happen again, but i cant promise that. Anyways got back to the piece of shit we were staying at and threw up. Good times. Then just hung out with my friend Nikki for a bit.

I woke up feeling like a bucket of arseholes (in other words, quite hungover). Sooooo bad. I had to fight it out in Sydney city of all places. Fuck i hate Sydney. So many arseholes. Not a good place to be when your hungover and hating the world. I kinda just lay in a park for a while playing the pokies on my phone. Good times. After this i caught a train down to campbelltown to go visit my mate Mark. Had a mad time too. He had a dinner party at his place. It was really good, heaps of really good dudes there. We partyed hard. Like real hard. Shit got out of hand again. We mad a fruit cocktail kinda thing. We blended the fuck out of a watermelon and then added half a bottle of peach vodka. It was amazing! and at the same time so brutal. May as well of just necked the bottle of vodka to be honest. But anyways a few of us finished that and we were out of it.

What a great 2 days in Sydney though! I definently have to do it again some time. Sooner rather then later. MAD!

Then what happened? Hmm. Oh yes it was finally saturday which only ment 1 thing. ICE HOCKEY!!! Thats right ice hockey. Im not sure if i have mentioned this yet, but i am a season ticket holder of the mighty Canberra Knights ice hockey team. They suck. But hey it gives me a chance to go out, drink heaps of cheap bourbon and heckle the fuck out of some cunts who have done nothing to me. How can this not be amazing?
We were playing some bullshit team from penrith, so i figured we had a pretty good chance to win a game (for a change). So after like 5mins of this game, we were 3-0 down. FML. But we ended up winning 6-4. This game had everything too. Mad skills, good skating and you guessed it, A MAD FIGHT!!! I dont know many better things then to fuckwits going punch for punch on ice. The only other better thing on ice would be two midgets going at it. Anyways by the time ice hockey was done i was blind again and keen to get my party on. Before i could shake my money maker out in some bullshit club, i had an 80's theme party to attend. I half arse dressed like Michael Jackson, but with out the crazy and a kid on my knob. It was pretty fun. Mad tunes as well. Oh and a girl with mad cans on her. Good to see. We were there for a few hours before heading out to the city. I ended up at a irish pub watching a cover band play. They were fucking mad! But i was loose so chances are that if there was a guy clapping sticks together singing the lion king song was up on stage i would of thought it was mad. Although, that does sound pretty cool. Hmm. Maybe i could be that guy? anyways back to my night. We were at this irish place for a fair few hours then headed to some shit place. I took 2 steps in the door and some cunt tried to fight me. Yep classy place. Ohh well shit happens. I hope he flips his beat up holden. Cunt. Anyhoo i had a few more drinks and ran into a few mates from high school. It was pretty cool. OHH FUCK. I just remembered there was these 2 fat people going at it. It was fucking walrus sex. So gross. But yet i couldn't look away. Either could the 20 people standing behind me.

So all in all it was a pretty great weekend. I would do it again.

Rule: tacos, when people cook for you and ice hockey fights.
Suck: Fat chicks, Fat dudes and fat dogs