Professor Excellent

I made dinner the other night. It was pretty alright but i learned alot from the experiance.I learnt that 1: Meat shrinks like a dick in the cold. I was actually amazed at how much a piece of stake can shrink in the oven. 2: Although cooking can be fun, cleaned can rack off. 3: Dont leave shit unattended in the oven, ok, just dont. 4: I go alright in the kitchen,which is good because it automatically makes me like 3.2 times hottest to ladies. 5: Dont just make one dish unless it is going to feed everyone and has some variety to it.For example, i made a beef dish with some spinach, cheese and a tomato sauce. Now what i should of done is made some potatos or some rice or something. I didnt. Pretty fucking dumb.But hey i learnt from my mistake and now all you wildcats know as well. 6: Make something you like and tell everyone else to fuck off. This is a big one. Unless you are cooking for a lady and want to get laid. Then tell anyone who questions you to suck a big black cock.7: Dont cook above your weight. Lets face it, there is a good chance your gonna fuck it up.Stick to making sandwiches and pop tarts.

Now im not gonna lie, im not amazing in the kitchen. Yet. But god damn it im trying, and oneday im going to have my own show. Its going to be called 'El Cooking with Professor Excellent' and there is going to be strippers and boobs and stuff. Ohh and probly some cooking. Man being a tv host would be a pretty sweet gig. All you have to do is talk to people and pretend you give a shit. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. In exchange to being a bit of a douche on television they fly you places, you get into mad party and events. Plus women would love to blow someone from tv. No two ways about it. It would be MAD! It would suck to be a fishing host though. Fuck that. I wonder what kind of coin these crackers are on? hmmm. When i have my own show, i'll let you know.

I wonder what i will cook next, my guess is a potato bake. Potato bake is actually amazing.mmm.Alright well now im hungry as shit so im gonna go make some food.

Gods speed crackers